My first Girl
Dateline May 20 1995, I was 16 with an adolescents questions and drive for sex. It was my birthday and after several months of broken promises my then girlfriend-a girl two months older than me but who, though I dread to admit it, had much more experience in the matter-decided that my birthday treat will be for her to take my virginity. Having no allusion as to her being one herself, I happily set out to make preparations.
The venue was the room of our landlord’s older son who had years before taken me under his wing. I was there about two hours before time waiting with abated breath for her to show. She turned up looking like she always does then, sweet and fresh, without the makeup that I grew to hate seeing on women. I remember her hair was plaited in a simple, all-back corn rows and her dress was unusually tight. I recall trying to show more confidence and grabbed her before she even crossed the threshold.
Now, I am not trying to come along like some cool dude or something, but we have being practicing and I thought I should make the first move, Also the owner of the room had earlier cautioned me on speed-his dad might show at any time. My urgency was checked by something strange. For reasons I still don’t understand, she chose to wear another dress under the quite tight dress she had on.
I wasn’t daunted by that barrier as I struggled to pull it off. I recall starring at the wonder of her naked body which I was viewing fully for the first time. When we kissed, it was no first kiss, but the feeling was new.
Apart for a few awkward moments and initial indecisiveness, I am quite certain I did not disappoint the intense reading I had being doing on that subject matter and my years of listening to bragging older brothers and mentors. I lost more than innocence that day, so many commonly held beliefs where broken and new discoveries made. It was the beginning of wild adventures that brought us closer to trouble than ever before. Being too young to own a room away from home, we took to sneaking into enclosures and taking quick bites anyway we presumed safe. Being a medicine store owner’s son and an avid reader, safety was easy and our constant fear for unwanted pregnancy never caught up with us.
It lasted for a full three years ending in 1999 when she suddenly grew older than me and I became like the little pet that waits for her to come back from the job she just got then with a hotel in the GRA area. I recall it was the period of the under seventeen world cup and Kaduna was a host city. Initially I thought I was the one gaining from the separation, what with the need to be with other women and experience something new, but I was mistaken. I recall waiting for her to comeback from work and watching with racing heart as she alights from the Mercedes V boot that usually drops her off- I learnt it belongs to her boss- and almost bursting into tears when she walks by without a word.
Apparently I had erroneously believed then that our separation was temporary and that she will still come back to me. Hell! It took me two years of begging to realize that it was over, by then I was already in the university.
I nursed that silly heartbreak for a long while and even found myself drawn to girls that looked like her. I was initially attracted to my first girlfriend in the university because apart from a difference in height, she could almost pass for a split image of her.
It was hard, but I somehow got over her and moved on and now I can afford to look back and laugh at my blind pursuit of a girl that was already tired of me. I guess I now understand what is inferred when a woman says she wants a matured man and not a boy and why my good friend Sule Ali is still in deep pains several months after. Boy it will go away, I promise.
Now, thirteen years later, I still look back at my first affair with nostalgia; somehow I don’t dwell on our breakup. I rather reminisce those tender hugs and sweet nothings, the stroll around the Angwa and those brief stolen kisses that were the highlights of many a day.
I have been with several women since then and now know the difference and can say without fear that she isn’t my best lay ever, but there is definitely something about those days that hangs around my mind. I have forgotten the faces of several of my more recent women but her image remains stamped in my mind. No, I don’t love her or miss her anymore and I wouldn’t want to share whatever with her again, but I’d love to let her know that I forgave her a long time ago and wish her luck where ever she might be.
RECALLED MEMORIES
In pregnant silence sit
Echoic thoughts screaming within
Such sounds,
Know not which fret of life begin
Out of the sun's eye
Creep into my consciousness again
Strange face
Brings thou back forgotten pain?
Memories of spite
Into my heart plunged to reveal
Hollow space
Time and tears should heal
Across tense moment
I reach to touch feelings lost
A love, died
When its comet burnt out in space
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